Anxiety, Panic, Bipolar OH MY!

 

 
YOU ARE LOVED...

Suffering with these diagnosis can be so overwhelming at times. The anxiety can be so strong that it actually paralyzes me. The fear of not being good enough or the fear that my work isn’t acceptable PARALYZES me. It literally prevents me from accomplishing things. Some days are great and I use the anxiety to my advantage. For instance I will have multiple things going on at once and I am able to excel in every area. The problem with that is it leads to insomnia. This is where my mood is considered “manic.” When I am in this state I feel that there is NOTHING I cant accomplish. It’s like I feel high, as if I can do anything. Believe it or not this actually rings true to many of my accomplishments. However, there is a down fall. A HARD down fall. Once the cycle of “mania” is over I hit an all time low. This is Bipolar Depression.

Bipolar Depression is NOT like regular depression. Please do not take what I am saying as a down play to those who suffer with depression. BY NO MEANS. However, bipolar depression comes in stages just like mania. Just getting out of the bed to shower is difficult during this cycle. There was an instance where I had to have my sister come and literally get me out of bed just to do daily living activities. Something as simple as hygiene proved to be too hard to do. Then the bipolar depression mixed with the panic disorder would hinder me from checking emails, the mailbox, pretty much anything that required me to “show up” and be a responsible adult. 

Here is what a day is like when I am experiencing a mental health OVERLOAD. My thoughts are not in order, I can not focus not even on the most simplistic things. Being able to face my responsibilities actually frightens me to the point I will have a panic attack. For example responding to emails, text messages or simply answering the phone is difficult. Social engagement is HARD. Sweaty palms, irregular breathing and heart rate, sharp pains in the chest, feeling faint and I have even passed out. 

This is just a small glimpse into those who suffer with this disorder. Please be patient, kind, considerate and understanding. Know that we are not lazy or that we aren’t trying. It is a real illness just as if someone has Diabetes. To those who have family with these illnesses tell them you love them all the time. Sometimes just seeing a text sayin I Love you helps, even if they don’t respond right away those messages HELP. To those who are like me know that you are not alone and I see you! Keep striving. Every small step is worth celebrating. YOU ARE LOVED

—Love Jess

Comments

  1. ToyaMarch 2, 2021 at 1:07 PM

    I love you Jess! Wow, I saw me in a lot of this! Thanks for sharing ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. DeborrahMarch 3, 2021 at 11:44 AM

    Thank you for sharing this Jess. I can totally relate to alot of what you're saying. The part about others thinking it's laziness really stuck out for me. Being lazy isn't the case at all. It's so much deeper fhan that.

    ReplyDelete

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