Give and Take but MOSTLY Taking
Why is it that most women find themselves giving more than what they receive? I feel as though it is because we have built a society based on the notion that women are nurturers. I believe this to be true to some degree but does that mean we have to carry the burden of “fixing” men or simply resulting to modesty just to protect their ego and comfort, while we suffer in silence? I for far too long know what it’s like to suffer in silence. Giving to a man in hopes that your love, generosity, and nurturing spirit will help mold him into the man you know he can be. However, this is where the self inflicted wounds come in. We empty out our cups until there is nothing left to give and once we have burned out he moves on. What’s worse is that the next woman if your efforts “worked”, and I use that term very loosely here, she benefits from your hard work.
This is the mistake in giving until you have nothing left to give is that you lose out on yourself. The most pressing question here is what is it that you are really trying to distract yourself from dealing with? I had to come to terms with this very question. What I realized is that I was trying to cover up wounds and traumas that I experienced. I didn’t want to deal with what was hurting on the inside so I tried to “fix” a man. I became dependent on him thusly hiding in his shadows seeking for love and validation. I thought of myself as confident and secure in who I was but it wasn’t until I was brought to my lowest that I found unhealed scars that became infected.
What I found is that I suffered from abandonment issues and had mistaken toxic behaviors as an attribute of love, that’s for another post. I was overcompensating to feel validated by him, but when that validation didn’t come I felt at my lowest. This is not to excuse abusive behaviors BY ANY MEANS!!! However, I had to come to terms that I allowed this treatment because of the lack of love I was willing to give to myself. Healing from past hurt is HARD but in order to have healthy relationships and draw healthy people towards us HEALING IS NEEDED. I’m on the road to healing and this is the beginning of a new era.
Once we give all wehave have to a man who we love and let them inflict their pain on us we then give all to our children. As women we loose ourselves in our families trying to protect them from the hurt we've experienced and in the end we continue to be hurt. Then we feel the guilt of always wondering what else could I have done. We cry more tears. Then one day we wake and say we will heal from the hurts of our pasts and move on with our lives. We draw the strength from deep within but I thing I've learned your hurts, pains, and disappointments of the past shape who you will become but it will never define who you are. Be your better self, strong, confident, and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSo profound.
DeleteWow!! I love the transparency and wisdom. Through everything you’ve been through you come back stronger than ever. Continue to share your healing process because you are going to help so many women and even men. I love this Jess!
ReplyDeleteThank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
DeleteMannnnn as a mother and a wife I’ve often felt like this and is still constantly battling with not losing myself in the process of taking care of everyone else! I often put others before myself and what I want and sometimes it leaves me feeling alone and upset!! It feels good to know that I am not alone in feeling this way! The enemy will have you feeling like it’s “YOU” and that you are overreacting. Thank you for this Jess! Keep Healing and Sharing🙌🏾🙏🏾❤️
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT alone!♥️♥️
DeleteI absolutely love this!!! I find myself feeling the same way, and have to do a reality check! Keep up the good work, looking forward to more inspiration.❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ♥️♥️🙏🏽
DeleteJess, this is so profound. I absolutely love your transparency. I love how you are using your words amd testimony as an outlet for yourself and others. This post is so relatable. I find myself trying to make sure everyone around me is okay and happy and I tend to neglect myself and what I need. If we aren't careful this can lead to resentment of those people and ourselves. I completely lost myself and came to my lowest recently. I no longer recognize me when looking in the mirror. I had to find the strength within, through God to finally get the help and healing that I need.. I am working through it. It's very hard and I still find myself going back. What I am learning is that it won't happen overnight but it WILL happen. Thank you so much for sharing your life and thoughts with us. Continue to let your light shine. You will change the world.
ReplyDeleteYes!! So true!!! It’s a process and we’re all learning day by day. Taking it step by step.
Delete