Normalize BLACK Love without pain FIRST
“I gave my b**ch two mil cause she stuck around”—Gucci Mane
I have noticed a trend where women, particularly black women, are being celebrated for sticking by their men through their toxic behavior. The “ride or die” attitude. Which I get the sentiments but what I don’t get is the ride or die until the death of me part. Let’s take Keyshia and Gucci Mane for example, I have seen a lot of women glamorize their relationship as “relationship goals.” However, they also glamorize the fact that she stayed with him through all the drugs, cheating and sometimes emotional neglect. Let me be clear this is NOT by an means degrading her decision, I wish them the best. I am simply trying to point out what is problematic about glamorizing toxic behavior.
Rarely do we see black love admired that didn’t have DRAMA first. Why is it that most black women have come so accustomed to the pain and drama first? I believe it is because parts of black culture have normalized toxic relationships. For me personally, I love the movie Baby Boy, so much so that I wanted a “love” story that mimic that. I literally would cause arguments so that I could have the scenic hard core make-up sex afterward. Or for instance the notion that its a prize to stick by your “boo” while being cheated on because “he knows where home is” or my personal fav that I hear all the time “I’m his main b**ch.” Black culture this is NOT a HEALTHY relationship. I believe that we have been brain washed by media to believe that it is, to the point that most black women CHASE the drama.
Here’s the solution. THERAPY! It is to be celebrated that Keyshia was able to receive the love that she deserves after the immense pain she endured. HOWEVER, you do NOT have to accept nor endure this in a relationship. You deserve love that respects you without having to endure heartache first. Once you are whole you will realize that it is not your job to repair a broken man, while losing yourself. There are men who will give you the love you deserve WITHOUT breaking you first. Know your worth! Set boundaries and know what is a deal breaker for you. Set realistic expectations. Be blessed 🙏
So I was kind of just talking about this but in a different way. The enemy had me to wear I wouldn’t really “celebrate” about me having a relationship where I basically did it the Bible way. It was something I didn’t want to broadcast because everyone around me didn’t have that same luxury. So it kind of made me ashamed. I low key wanted what they had. I thought to myself, why is that? And it was because I didn’t want to stick out, didn’t want to fill like the outcast.
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This🎯‼️‼️‼️ I thought I was trippin because my definition of ride or die was definitely different from everyone else's, mine was a more like the through sickness and health, for richer or poorer type ride or die OKKUURR‼️
ReplyDeleteSis, I wholeheartedly believe that the media, and our environment plays a huge part of what we deem as acceptable behavior in a relationship. I was just talking to one of my friends about how depressing media can be when it comes to comparing lives. Ride or die definitely doesn't mean love through constant pain and dysfunction; but as Toya mentioned through sickness and health, till death. Thanks for sharing. This needed to be said.
ReplyDeleteToxic relationships are glorified through all sorts of media (visual & audio). It is being engraved into the minds of both men and women throughout black culture. A culture that is so hush hush on "behind closed doors suffering" but yet if you gain therapy you are deemed "crazy". I have been on the end of the receiving end of the toxic behavior and society will make you feel on a high because you stayed and like you deserve some type of accolade when what really is happening is you lose who you are and the more you lose the more you feel stuck to stay. It was liberating when I decided to take the pain of "loss" and walk away with ME and was free to be me.
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