Help my Unbelief

 

On the cusps of giving up. I feel my light dwindling even more. Wanting to continue and fight but the fire is slowly dying. What do you do when you feel yourself losing faith? I’ve never been in this place before. I’ve never been in a place where my faith wavered so much. I was always the one to believe in someone else even when they didn’t believe in themselves. I would be sure to encourage and motivate them until they began to believe it for themselves. There are a few success stories behind this. I have people all the time tell me that it was because of me that they didn’t give up. And my response to them is no it was because you chose to believe in yourself. But the biggest question is WHY CANT I DO THAT FOR MYSELF NOW?! 

I am tired of disappointments. I’ve had so many that I’m even scared to believe in the possibilities of achievement.  I used to always market myself as an optimist. Believing even when the conditions weren’t looking favorable I still believed. Now, I feel like I’m on autopilot. I feel like I don’t have a sense of direction. 

Don’t get me wrong I definitely know what I want. I have big aspirations. It’s just when you’ve fought for so long and believed for so long and you constantly and consistently fight you eventually ware out. It’s easy for someone to say “hey but the scripture says do not become weary in well doing for you’ll reap the harvest if you faint not.” I get it, and I’m not saying the scripture isn’t true. But I’m like the man who said to Christ “I believe but help my unbelief.” There comes a time in your life where the trials become so much and so often in the same areas that you feel you’ll never reach where you want to be in life. I feel in my heart what I want to achieve is my purpose! But I can’t seem to get there! Even when I try in the midst of my unbelief to push myself through here comes a major distraction that deters me and snatches me of my faith and confidence. In times like these I don’t need words I need a physical confirmation. I need a MIRACLE.